Monday, 13 February 2012

It’s Just Not "Takde Jodoh..."

*This post have been permitted by da owner. Thank you.

Last night..i can’t sleep well. Dunno why...more harder i’m try to close my eyes more harder to fall asleep. I woke up from my bed then sign in my blog. Like usual i jump to a blog then jump to another blog then jump again...that’s why it was called blog-walking.hahaha..

Fyi..i love to adore some of fashionista bloggers. I can read out all their older post just to see their fashion style. I know really well that i’m not capable to wear what they wore. Do i have enough money to get what they have?? Nope!

But..last eyes was falling to an entry by an awesome fashionista blogger. I’m pretty sure dat all of u know her. Shea Rasol. My Amethyst. U know rite?? She is very very gojes in her style. A post titled ‘I’m single, thank you’ really really really give an impact to me. A little tears come out...realize how small i am to HIM..

If u ever scroll to my older post..may be u can smell dat i have failure experienced in my relationship.  My first relationship was grown about five years. Lama kan?? But our faith was not to be together.! When my friends ask me why and how we ended our relationship...i just answer them with "takde jodoh...". Ooppss. No need to pity me.huhu

But the ‘second chance’ is coming to me just after we ended up. Wit a new feeling..a new guy..dat i’m not pretty sure knowing him at all but we try to become friend...we almost become closer. But once again i have been tested. We were also not born to be together. For the second time..i need to answer for those people who knew bout us. Once again i answer with..."takde jodoh...". i really really really realized’s just not “takde jodoh...”. Something was happen because a reason behind it. And..after i read every single words in Shea’s entry..i knew it. I’m understand enough why i’m being a single rite now.

Like Shea said, HE, The Almighty, was actually protecting me! Yeahh...something dat i not realize till now. If i said i never commit any sin while i was in was a big lie. I’m not perfect. Either not a good muslimah. I was really young when i started my relationship...17 years old. Too young to realize either good or not. (do not over thinking what mistake i's not da bigger one. just like wat a couple always do when they are walking together2.. *no need to mention rite?? u know it by urself).huhu

Although the second time i’m 22 years old..we both are matured enough may be. No more like just the first time i’m coupled..we both knew where we were stands. Without realize we built a wall to ensure we do not cross the line.huhu..but why?... why i still got the same ending??

No need to waste da time by thinking of dat. HE knew me well better than me. May be on dat time the wall dat we created were strong enough...but who knows da soon. For the second time HE was save me again. Ya much you care bout me...and me...always neglect YOU.

Ya small i am in YOUR world...everytime i fail in my relationship..da only meaning dat i only know is “takde jodoh...” but actually YOU hide the true reason from my make me think by my self...but my hijab was closed...until i read the meaningful post by my blogger friend...Allah Maha Besar....HE shows the truth in many path...alhamdulillah...i hope i’m not too late to realize it..

U know what...after hold a single status for a long time period....i got a new life...a life wit a full calmness....i’m not regret anymore. Ikhlas i said. But at the same time...i’m not deny..either buat2 tak tahu..sometimes i kept thinking why the second chance dat i ever got was a fail..because he was really mean to me...but hell yeah. It was just a bisikan syaitan. To make me neglect again.

Really really really hope someday...if i am chosen to built a new relationship again...i want dat relationship always in HIS guidance...HIS path..and HIS line...insyaAllah..

Lastly...dis doa i took from Shea post....really touched my heart....soooo pure and soooo sincere...

Allah yang Maha Pemurah.. terima kasih Engkau telah menciptakan dia dan mempertemukan ku dengannya.
Terima kasih untuk saat-saat yang indah yang boleh kami nikmati bersama,
Terima kasih untuk setiap pertemuan yang boleh kami lalui bersama,
Terima kasih untuk setiap saat-saat yang lalu,
Aku datang bersujud di hadapan-Mu,
Sucikan hatiku Ya Allah, sehingga dapat melaksanakan kehendak dan rencana-Mu dalam hidupku.

Ya Allah, jika aku bukan pemilik tulang rusuknya,
Janganlah biarkan aku merindukan kehadirannya,
Janganlah biarkan aku melabuhkan hatiku di hatinya,
Kikislah pesonanya dari pelupuk mataku dan usirlah dia dari relung hatiku,
Gantikan damba kerinduan dan cinta yang bersemayam di dada ini dengan kasih dari dan pada-Mu yang tulus dan murni.
Tolonglah agar aku dapat mengasihinya sebagai sahabat.

Tetapi jika Kau ciptakan dia untukku, Ya Allah..
Tolonglah satukan hati kami,
Bantulah aku untuk mencintai, mengerti dan menerimanya seutuhnya,
Berikanku kesabaran, ketekunan dan kesungguhan untuk memenangi hatinya.
Urapilah dia agar dia juga mencintai, mengerti dan mahu menerimaku dengan segala kelebihan dan kekuranganku sebagaimana aku telah Engkau ciptakan.
Yakinkanlah dia bahawa aku sungguh-sungguh mencintai dan rela membagi suka dan dukaku dengannya.

Ya Allah yang Maha Pengasih, dengarlah doaku ini.
Lepaskanlah aku dari keraguan ini menurut kasih dan kehendak-Mu

Allah yang Maha Kekal, aku tahu Engkau sentiasa memberikan yang terbaik buatku.
Luka dan keraguan yang aku alami pasti ada hikmahnya.
Pergumulan ini mengajar aku untuk hidup makin dekat pada-Mu, untuk lebih peka terhadap suara-Mu yang membimbing aku menuju terang-Mu.
Ajarlah aku untuk tetap setia dan sabar menanti tibanya waktu yang telah Engkau tentukan.

Jadilah kehendak-Mu dan bukan kehendakku yang jadi dalam setiap bagian hidupku, Ya Allah..

tears kept blowing my eyes when i read dis doa.. 


* Halal itu indah.=)

psssttt : 
- A lot of thanks to Shea Rasol for da permission dat she gave me. Awak tak sombong. suke2.hee =)
- Must read by urself da entry I'm single, thank you by Shea by clicking on da entry above. Bace jangan   tak bace. Best sangat!
- Once again i use english to express my feeling. Sorry if u found dat my english is soo rubbish. 



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